Yesterday
by Sputnik2006
Summary: Please RR 'Yesterday the world made sense. This morning I woke up in a cage. And last night.... Last night I killed you.' Mild HG and RHr


Author's Notes: As is the case with most things I write this was written at night. In fact, you will be hard pressed to find a story or chapter of a story that I DIDN'T write at night. What can I say, I feel more free at night. Anywho, this was kind of inspired by the movie Gothika but isn't quite the same idea. Note that I said inspired not based on.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Sirius Black or just about anything else in this fic. I only own the idea and the people in white. And even those belong loosely to the state asylum.  
  
Yesterday by Sputnik2006  
  
Yesterday the world made sense.   
  
I haven't figured out exactly what is going on today and from the looks of things I never will. You see....No, it's too strange. You wouldn't believe me even if I showed you pictures of my life before.   
  
Yesterday I had everything I wanted. I had friends for the first time since before I could remember. People wanted me. It's a heady feeling to be needed and loved. I remember everything about them, their smallest quirks and mannerisms, the like for each other they so sweetly attempted to cover until I told them I knew. She was beautiful. Not only on the outside (no one ever took the time to see past the pile of books and notice it; I myself was distracted until recently) but to the very depths of her soul. He was her equal in all ways that counted. No other could match her giving heart like he did. It's a pity their affection took so long to surface; I would have liked more memories of them as a pair while I was here.   
  
Ron, Hermione....Wherever you are right now I wish you the best of luck. You were meant to pursue a life together. But I....   
  
Yesterday the world made sense.   
  
Today I woke in a box. Today I woke in a cage. Today the man in white came to me. He told me I killed them. He told me I was crazy.   
  
I swear to you two upon my parents' graves I would never hurt you. I would never break like they say I did. They say the times got to me. They say I put too much pressure on myself because I wanted you to be happy. I'll admit to you now that I didn't tell the whole truth. My nightmares plagued me more than you heard, Ron. I hurt myself more than you saw, Hermione. But it was me. Never you. Why would I lash out at the ones I loved so much?   
  
I remember the day you kissed the first time. You didn't see me then. You were so sweet, Ron. Your hair matched your face in color when you pulled away. Your eyes were shining, staring at her like.... No, UNLIKE any stare I had ever seen. Even the veela women were below the adoration in your eyes. For her.   
  
And she....the tiniest blush touched her cheeks for a moment. At first I thought something was wrong. I thought you had messed up and I was prepared to intervene and make it right. But she reached out to you. She reached out and kissed again. I must confess, I did laugh then. Just a small giggle. You two.... Romeo and Juliet were a divorcing couple compared to your love right then. I know you will be happy when you leave school. Propose to her soon, Ron. Don't ever let someone take her away from you.   
  
I woke up this morning knowing something was different. I wasn't sure what at first. The room was different; smaller and yet more open than the castle or Privet Drive had ever been. Perhaps it was the white of the walls. They were pure, sterile, like snow. It made everything brighter. Painfully so at times. I'm still getting used to them. Almost makes me nostalgic for the nasty floral papers Petunia loved so much. Almost. My clothes were strange to me too. Not quite the same quality I'd ever owned. And that was when I realized what was so strange.   
  
I couldn't move. It was the nightmare of all nightmares. I was paralyzed! Fear overcame me then. I felt nothing, I could only blink. I lay there for some time, mind roiling, trying to understand what was happening. And then I realized it. I could feel again! But it was strange. I could feel everything about my body but I could not move. Something stung my arm. There was so little pain and then I slept.   
  
I dreamed of you then. Something is missing about what I see, I'm sure of it. But in my memory you are happy. Sure, there are hard times. Regretfully, most are caused by me. In my mind, though, I only see the good days, the hours we were together and life was untroubled. When you were together I could watch you and know there was nothing to worry about. The darkness outside the walls would never seep in with you two lighting every corner.   
  
There is one moment I cherish above all. Other people were there that day, none of them seemed as happy as we were. It was spring; I remember the birds chirping and can almost smell the breeze. The window was open, if you remember. You told me you would be married soon. You told me there would be children. Soon, so soon. That's what everyone said: You were too young to be settling down like this. But they agreed to it, your parents did, and you came to me to tell me all about it. It was a measure of the darkness of the world that they allowed it. People were dying. They wanted you to live. Not to simply be alive but to live and be happy together as long as fate would let you.   
  
Hermione, you came to me alone; you made Ron stay outside the room because it was something we alone must discuss. 'Do you mind?' you asked. 'Why would I?' I replied. You knew I always supported your relationship. Your smile was dazzling then. 'I had hoped at one time that we could be more than friends and I was never sure if you had felt the same way. I do love you, Harry, but it's a different love. You're like a brother I never had. This, Ron and I, we won't change that ever will we?' My smile did not mask anything, though I know you felt it did. 'Nothing could ever change us. You, Ron, and I are friends like nothing the world has seen before. Nothing the world could throw at us would ever break that.'   
  
I woke up in another room. There were other people in white there. They looked at me strangely. Memories of my cupboard from so long ago surged to the front then. There was so little space between me and them, all of them staring at me like I was a bizarre creature. No, like I was a dragon. Like I was Norbert and they saw me deciding which finger would taste best.   
  
  
  
I wanted to scream then. No one would tell me what was going on. All they did was stare at me and mutter words I couldn't understand. Things like 'shock' and 'catatonic' popped up a lot. And then they let me go. Sort of. This man I hadn't noticed (everything was so white, his clothes, the walls, his skin) took me by the arm and gently steered me to another room. There was a bed there and he told me to make myself comfortable. I ignored him. I didn't think of much of anything then. I thought back to the strange people's conversation.   
  
They kept speaking of you. They seemed to think I was jealous of you. You! Their judgement is nothing. Our friendship has nothing to do with them. Why would it? Harry, Ron, and Hermione. We were meant to be. Hogwarts was our prime, true, but it never really waned after that. It's only been a few months since we graduated, how could it go as far downhill as they imply?   
  
I would never hurt you.   
  
Sirius once talked to me about you. All the people I knew had the same conversation but his was special. He came from experience. He knew what it was like to have your best friend be married and feel the pain of knowing there would never be a time you would see one truly without the other. He spoke to me about my dad's wedding. I still laugh at the hell he had to put up with that day. All the greatest people in wizarding society offering him drinks and their condolences and then making sure he wasn't going to go off and have an affair with the bride. Or worse, the groom! I assured him the same thing wouldn't happen to me. That was one of the few times I was happy Sirius wasn't there anymore. It would have made my face even more red than it was already to know he was watching and laughing at my predicament. Afterward, though, I'll admit to you that the drinks did help.   
  
Another man talked to me today. It was so long after the others. I didn't think anything worse could happen after the staring and poking and prodding of that morning. He made me wonder if this was a dream. He asked me about myself. Asked me how I felt. It hurt like nothing I had ever felt before to tell him every tiny emotion. No matter what happened I couldn't hold anything back. It was as though I was unable to tell the smallest lie. The man wrote things down. When he left he dropped a paper. Before he could pick it up I saw one word. 'Ginny'   
  
Ginny.   
  
Ron, I'm sorry for you. I'm sorry that you had to lose your sister like that. And Hermione, I never meant to kill your friend. She was dearer to me than you'll ever know. Such a wonderful girl I've never known. I never will again. They took her from me and from you. All around us their black cloaks swirled. He circled her while he held my wand. I'll never forgive myself for letting it go so easily. The death eaters watched as he tortured her with my wand. Watched as he killed her when her screaming grew too quiet to amuse him anymore. And I could not look away. They would not let me. I would not let me.   
  
I never told you, Ron. She looked at me before he raised the wand for the last time. There was no pleading in her eyes, no distant look of insanity from the pain. Yes, there was pain there but so much more. She looked at me and sent me her last message. Her eyes told me everything. 'You'll stop him, Harry. There won't be more victims.' That look is burned on my eyelids, Ron. I have never forgotten.   
  
Your sister was brilliant. She knew things the rest of us could never imagine. She was a martyr, like so many. But unlike them she was right. She was the last to die at Voldemort's hands.   
  
But not the last to die in the war. I killed him them. I don't remember getting the wand back. I remember very little of that day. This is all I know for sure. Three people's souls never left that room. Ginny, dear Ginny, was given a hero's funeral. I never searched out what they did to Voldemort's body. Truth be told I did not care. He had ruined my entire life.   
  
I died that day. People in the future may write biographies about me and say my childhood died the day my parents were killed. They'll say it was the time I lost my father figure to a hideously twisted arch in the Department of Mysteries. But it died when the green light touched your sister. We were lovers, Ron. Like you and 'Mione we were to be wed. She wore the ring on a chain because she didn't know how to tell you yet. She never will now.   
  
That's when the darkness started to creep into my life. The four of us had held it at bay for so long. But then we were only three. Three. War is a terrible thing. It's not merely the immediate effects it has on people that are so damaging. Everything involved is so long-term. The scars remain for years to come. I hid mine as best I could but it was so hard. Ginny was gone. You two were far away. Even when I did see you your happiness was just a sham. You covered it because you knew I slipped farther away from you everyday. I love you forever; you're the friends I could tell everything in one look. Words are unnecessary when we are together.   
  
We will be together again. I will never believe what they tell me. This world is nothing but a dream. Soon I will wake and you will be there to tell me it's graduation and I don't need to worry about the future so much. And I will find Ginny and we will get married like you did. This is nothing but a dream that will disappear in a moment leaving no memory behind but the fact that I get a second chance.   
  
There is someone else here. A man like the rest but he's different. Dark. Everything he wears is visible against the white of the room. Dark blue, and red, and shiny black shoes. He asks me what I want to do. I tell him I don't know. How should I know what to do in my own dream? Sir, you look important, do you know why I woke up in a box today?   
  
He looks angry and storms out of the room. Not at me, at one of the white people. 'He doesn't know what he is charged with? You want me to get him to take a plea and you've kept him here for a week without telling him why he's here?'   
  
A week? Surely he is wrong. Only yesterday I was at your home. We talked about your baby. I cried for you, Hermione. They should have said there was a risk for the baby. They should have said she might be stillborn. All those hopes died then. You married for your daughter and she never lived to breathe even once. Never lived to look at her beautiful mother and father. I put my arm around your shoulders and tried to make the tears on your face go away. You're too young for this sorrow, 'Mione. 19 is still time to give yourself another baby girl. I try to cheer you up with a joke. 'The way you two carry on you'll be pregnant again in no time. Rabbits reproduce slower.' You smiled, Ron, and so did you Hermione. I know there will always be a hole in your life where she would have been but you can still have other children to patch the gap. You don't have to be alone forever.   
  
The dark man hands me a paper. I stare at it for the longest time then throw it across the room in anger. How DARE they play such a cruel joke on me? A woman comes over. She's one of the white people too. She kneels beside me and tells me the truth. She asks me if I'm alright and shows me a picture.   
  
I'm afraid I hurt her when I turned over the chair. I wasn't thinking; I apologize, Lady. But you were one of them. You were in on this horrible joke. 'It is no joke,' they tell me.   
  
I find myself believing. The dream is turning into a nightmare. I cannot see the light through my eyelids anymore. I cannot hear my alarm clock. I don't hear you two coming to wake me. I don't see you two anymore.   
  
Yesterday the world made sense. This morning I woke up in a cage. And last night....   
  
Last night I killed you.   
  
The fog that has clouded my memory for so long lifts then. That memory did indeed happen. It was morning then. You wanted to see the doctor, Hermione. You had to know if you were pregnant again. I was happy for you that you were healing from the first child. My happiness faded that night. I came over to see you. Ron, you had to tell me. Your tears were terrible. Never again. Never again would she have childen you said. The birth had scarred her inside so much a baby could never be brought to term.   
  
I wept for you. My pain from months before tore free from the fragile healing it had had. I know why you died now. Hermione, you touched my heart like Ginny did. It wasn't the same love as with her; like you said I was your brother.   
  
And like your brother I could not see you in pain.   
  
I remember the look on your face when I left the room. You turned to me, pleading me to come back.   
  
I remember the thoughts racing through my head. 'Nothing the world could throw at us would ever break us, Hermione. You will never break.'   
  
I remember the feel of the wand at my fingertips. I remember the power I felt when I spoke those words. I remember your scream, Ron, and then I remember silence.   
  
After that I remember only today.   
  
And now....   
  
Now I wish the nightmare would go back to the dream I knew it was so long ago. I wish I had been able to turn my wand upon myself. But most of all I think of you. My first friends. The first people who cared that I existed. I killed you.   
  
And now I wish there had been no yesterday.   
  
Now I wish I had died the day before last.  
  
~*~*~*~*~ Okay, that's my fic. All. Fin. [End] Yeah, I'm done. So, review if you liked. Review if you sort of liked. Don't flame. My ego is fragile. Actually, my ego doesn't actually exist. 'Cept when I'm around my sister which I'm currently not. 


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